from the fantastic patterns of dreams to the surrealistic behaving of reality

written in Dinglish (that's Germanic English)

Nürnberg, Mittelfranken, 2005-05-07 - 2:02 a.m.

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not to a child

these days - the day of Gentry-gras - u know the second May, I was on another birthday party (let's say a evening dinner with lots of food & wine) of Tui, the daughter of my thai friend Peo - after some time or maybe later on - when Peo had already had her fill of alcohol & Tui had just told, how she in her youth was with 8 years shortly escaping an assault to get raped by an 13 year old boy - actually he just raped her with pressing her to a wall and trying to kiss her - she tore him away & came home weeping - but didn't tell what happened of shame & also the fear of what such a confession would arouse in this archaic society, where an rape attempt was by the village people concidered similar to muerder..

Ok - so far - then Peo suggested, that everybody should tell about his first sexual experience - the younger generation especially her daughter shuddered - me & her friend Peter - the older generation -
were at once sure to regret - "not to the young" - her daughter proclaimed that in words, that she'd not like to hear that (expected shocking disgusting dirty sex experiences of older people in her eye - she's 24 & we are more than 40 - that explains all) -

Peo feels pretty young still - she's like a vulcano - when we made later on some fotos - her daughter admitted or wondered, that her mother could always smile, when she gets fotographed, that's what neither Tui nor me am able to - & Peo smiles from the inside - it's a glowing & natural smile no-one can copy- she just grins her soul out to the top & we other most distinguished & modest people can't do that anymore..

let's see whether I can put a foto of her in this here - I almost forgot already, how to do that in diaryland




here she is very close to me - she only made this, to make her friend jealious , who sat near by - & because we were photographed - she's not my girl friend - it's only a fake..

aah later on - when I arrived home - I had still in mind - my first sexual experience - & in memory came a very very early sexual first experience -

I was about 4 or 5 years old - my mother was very sick for a few weeks lieing in hospital - so friends of my parents, a couple with 2 children, adopted me for that time - my 2 other brothers were taken by 2 other families -

I slept in a room with in my minds eye very old girl, called Christiane - she was about 10 or max. 12 years old - I think she was 10 - already going to school, that meant, that she had to go up very early in the morning - when me - the sweet little Kindergarten- child could still sleep on -

Christiane played a lot with me - she taught me things like "Roller-fahren" & cared about me & I was very fond of her - she had long brown plaits.

One evening - she often took me before sleeping in her bed, we were playing & romping around like children do - we wore in this time long white night gowns with nothing under it as sleeping dress -

& I can remember quite clearly, that she suggested to me, a game that I should stand on my head & she would hold my feet uptight - so we did - for me that was a lot of fun - the gown fell down over my face - I strampled & giggled & it was much fun to me - & of course she had a perfect sight at my upwards-down exposed naked body - I remember, she told me not to tell her parents, that we played in her bed - I didn't understand why, but agreed - children have their little secrets agains the adults
- many years later I recognized, what she actually had been doing in this situation or using the situation for - she had studied, how the crotch & genitals of a boy looked like - later on she became a nurse in hospital, probably a very good one, because she had started her studies so early in childhood..

when I was about six years old - again was my mother in hospital - I was situated in another family for a few weeks - it was a "sister Emmy" -I remember when I was bathing there - sitting in the bath tub - I liked it, when she came in, instead of sitting, to lay back in the tub, so totally naked exposed to her view & that gave me a pleasent & comfortable feeling - I think a slightly sexual emotion.

I wonder whether 50 years old Ladies know, that tiny little boys of 5 or 6 use their gaze for a slight little sexual kick?

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