from the fantastic patterns of dreams to the surrealistic behaving of reality

written in Dinglish (that's Germanic English)

Nürnberg, Mittelfranken, 2005-05-23 - 1:59 a.m.

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slowly decaying - slowly fading - damn the merciless gnawing of time

yesterday I was invited to a party - it was wild, it was exciting, there were a lot of fantastic people around.. - no it's all a lie & made up.

instead: - it was my grandma's birthday & everything was relatively quiet & we tried to make it some kind of celebration to her, which she still could understand somehow -

My grandma became "104" years old - older than the queen mom had become..

She's all shrinked & weak somehow, but can still walk - she's nearly blind - hears very bad - repeats everything about 10 times etc. -

2 years ago we could still play Romy with her, but she understands less & less. My older brother, who learns a lot of languages asked her last year some russian phrases & she still knew some russian words (Bessarabia in Romania, where she came from was in her youth Russian) - She sleeps a lot & eating is meanwhile probably the biggest joy in her life. - She still has a very sound appetite. And she still recognizes almost everything around her.

So this birthday was, that my parents born 1920 (mom) & 1923 (dad), an uncle, my nephew & his grandma were dining in an thai restaurant. My grandma asked me repeatedly, what day it was - I always told her, that it's her birthday - & when I asked her how old she is - she said "103" or "101" - & again & again I told her, that she's now 104 years old - but it may needs a year, still she gets it - & she gets older another year - that's all very confusing - why not let her forever stay the age of 103 - that's an age she still can remember..

that's a foto of her from last week:

& you remember from one of my last weeks entry's, that I recently found some old fotos - here is a foto of here (&also me, as the clever looking little boy to the left) - my grandma was pretty old since I knew her (I think that's the natural behaviour of grandmas: to be much older than you)

the man besides her was of course my grandpa from Romania (they all came from Romania), who died about 30 years ago..

So my mother at the age of 85 lives with my father age 82 & her mom age 104 together - the mother of my grandma lives in Prag & .. (no that's a lie) -
but it's hard for my mother to take care of her mother, who lived alone till the age of 101!

But it's hard to see, whenever I visit my parents, how they are continiuously getting weaker & quieter - just like softly fading away..
& maybe my tough nearly unconscious grandma survives them all..

Okay - so happy birthday dear grandma, who hardly notices another birthday anymore & actually doesn't care anymore how old she is gettin' ..

but she's so helpless, depending totally on the merci of her surroundings & I know she gets lovingly or sometimes strained pampered by my parents - what do we do if we get that helpless & no merci around? - Better to die in a big crash, than that!

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