today in the tram on my way to work, there were some youth's sitting on the other side - 2 girls & a boy - they were talking so loud, that I easy could overhear their kind of conversation - it was mainly a monologue from one of the girls - she said:"they can prove it for one year by the roots of your hair" - then added: "..so if we take it today it can exactly one year after be found out.." - I understood they were talking about some kind of drug they apparently wanted to try out (for their first time?) today - then she said: "we shouldn't go into town afterwards for not drawing public attention - we should stay there, until the effect is over.." - she was apparently eager not to get detected & a bit afraid of the 'first time' - what were they about to take? - gras, speed, cocaine, ecstasy? -
But if she was so afraid to get detected, why then did she talk so load that half the tram riders could listen to her?
there is this fatal age when a youth has lost his child cleverness & wisdom & has not yet reached the sight & caution of a selfconscious youth or adult- somewhere in the void of between the nothingness of half knowing & the imagined phantasms that lead to nowhere, inconscious revolting the prison of childhood without knowing the goals yet. That's the state, the caterpilar gets, when changing to a butterfly, encapsulated in an cocoon where no-one from the outside can reach it. One pattern of behaviour lost & the next pattern's clothes not yet quite grown into - somehow helpless naked. - I think I was in this 'between' state, when I was between 13 and 16. At 17 I was already full conscient & selfconscious & dynamicly full of goals, well goals, that differed much of those I still have. - Well life is changing the wheel always turning.
the most smart state in our life we probably had in our mothers womb - pre-natal we exactly knew our place & what to do - & we were the total winners, cos we had won the survival run of millions of sperms to the sheltering egg goal - later things get more complicated.
By the way: a tram is a "Strassenbahn" (street train) - I neve saw one in the USA. So here's a foto of a typical 'old-style' Nürnberger Strassenbahn:
In this picture I am sitting on the second waggon on a window to the right - you can see me, if you turn the foto around & watch it from the backside.