from the fantastic patterns of dreams to the surrealistic behaving of reality

written in Dinglish (that's Germanic English)

Nürnberg, Mittelfranken, 2006-09-09 - 3:30 a.m.

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the barge of indifference

so today I heard from my mom that my grandma lies since a week in hospital - I asked her why didn't you call me & inform me just when it happened - she couldn't say, but it's always the same - they never inform me in right time if something important happens - but then they alway promise me, next time they will do - well the memory of my 86 year old mom will not last to the next occurence to remember that.

She told me, that my 105 year old grandma who lives in my parents house had broke her ankle of one foot -

my grandma still walks with a stick even up the stairs to the first floor - but she must have been falling in the livingroom - she said she stumbled over something - later on she even walked with her stick upstairs to go to bed - but later in the mid of night my mother heard her somhow moaning - she was up again, apparently she wanted to go to the bathroom - but she couldn't really step on one her feet anymore -

Next day they called the doctor to examine it - he attested that the ankle was broken & they took her to hospital - my grandma didn't like the idea at all that she had to stay in hospital & repeated that her ankle was not broken -

it was very hard for her to stay there, she called again & again my mothers name, when my parents had went home again -

My parents visit her every day since that - but my grandma only says she wants to go home & that she needs a skirt & that it's hell there -
still repeating, that her foot is not broken -

of course this is the worst nightmare that could happen to her in her age - torn out of usual familar friendly surroundings to an unpersonal sterilely anonimous hospital atmosphere - a lot of old people feel the cruel wink of death, like they are leaving the lands of the alives to the eternal deadlands - if they are finally delivered to hospitals, care homes & rest home - taken off of all their family, their property, their trusted homes to institutions where they are just fed & bedded - it's like putting old people who are sick, weak & of no use anymore unto a barge on the river to let them drift away into the dark, the lost & forlornless of the stream downwards & later on the wide sea..

my grandma didn't care about a broken ankle or not - all she desired was to stay at her last lodging & shelter..

at one of my mothers visits - she noticed that they had put the grieves on the wrong leg - my mother remembered, that it was the other leg & told them so - she saw the swollen broken ankle unbandaged - it was a scandal - it's incredible - they've putting the bandages on the wrong leg -

but who cares - it's only old people who can't defend themselves anymore, who are about losing all their senses, who gonna die soon anyway - who cares what kind of medicament we give them - it's useless anyway -

well & it's really difficult to be able to discern between left & right - it depends whether you see it while being opposite to a person or while seeing it from the opposite person's sight - (& anyway a lot of people can't even politically distinguish between left & right - isn't it all the same - all a circle - depending which direction you turn around?)

I once heard that someone with a leg to be amputated found out after the operation, that they've cut the wrong leg off - of course later on they had to cut the real lost leg too -

the brother of an aquaintance got crippled because he got a false injection as baby in the hospital - a scandal too -

but who cares what happens to the very old people lying in hospitals & rest homes - they'r going to die anyway & most of them can't defend or explain anything to the public anymore..

I really wonder what they will do with me if I'm old & helpless & they lay me on the indifferent barge of death!

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