I was invited this evening to a birthday by my old Greek friend (since youth) Theodoti - it's a regular since years that she invites a small group of friends of her & me to her small birthday party, which is not a party at all, but a nice little dinner in the evening with soft music & soft light. -
Her friends are not my friends - so for me the only connection is she & her friend -
Last year we were six people - this year seven. - Her other friends are nice people, but the kind of people I never get too close to - & also the kind of people who don't recognize me as the person I am or are able or interested to see my personality.
I'm not a groupish person. For conversation I prefer the single talk - just me & another person - with 2 or 3 people together can also be a nice conversation - more people in group just get tedious & I have not the least interest to be involved then.
So well, the dinner was nice - the atmosphere was friendly, the cooking was - even as it was vegetarian - agreeable - fine Gipsy, Brazilian & Norah Jones (which I had brought) music gave soft colors to the room.
But on the other hand: some voices were too loud. 2 of the members of our small party were the voice leading persons. The themes were floating & changing, but I have a soft voice & I'm usually too polite to interupt other people, while they talk, because I expect the same behaviour from others if I talk. - But if people don't accept these simple rules of polite conversation - I feel somehow helpless & simply decline. - I hate it if people talk on & on & without a little break to give you a chance to give your remark to the same theme. - I hate it if I start to talk & someone with a much louder voice breaks in & just wipes my started sentence out. - (There should be rules to 'civilized conversations' told in schools, to not let the reckless rule over the caring. But maybe everything that rules, rules, because it is reckless somehow) - Well I'm too proud & knowing to over-voice them by being as reckless as them. -
If you don't give me the respect to listen to me while I have something to say - I lose very quick any interest in this conversation at all.
Maybe & probably they're just not my kind of people & one part of my mind tells me "I should in future avoid these situations", but the other part says: "well why not just endure it for these few hours - just stay decent, why not let them talk & rule the conversation.." - & for Theodotti's sake I'll be there in this circle on her next year's birthday again, with no expectation to participate in any conversation there - just dine & drink & listen to the music should be enough.
By the way - I didn't hear Theodotti talk much this evening either - she's soft-voiced & cautiously talking like me. - & if I visit her & her friend Heiner alone, we have very amusing evenings with nice & warm conversation together.
Well secret persons like me are not born for crowds!