Since this is not a politcial blog, but only a very private diary – I leave politics alone for a while until I’ll get aroused again – my diary feels free to post about whatever is in my mind, with absolutely no caring who-so-ever is interested in –
So again, like regularly from times to times I'll tell about a dream I had last night –
Well it was a very fragmentical dream, but the theme was clear- I was in different situations with people & alone – inside of buildings & even once in something like a cave & outside, but always I had a tiny little fragile baby – maybe some months old - with me –
I tried to take it with me in a comfortable position in my arms – but sometimes I had problems to keep it in position – it had tendencies to fall away - I was alway afraid, that I'd hurt it by not holding it correctly & I was anxious to hold it in proper position, with holding one hand behind it’s neck, to keep it from falling apart etc.
But there where again & again moments, when it came in my mind, that I had totally forgotten to hold it adequately or had neglected for a while my little baby I was caring for –
So in one of the scenes I noticed, that I had held they baby upsides-down for a while & it’s head was all swollen up & red & I tried to put in convenient position in my arms again – but noticed that by that treatment its head was slightly deformed with some strange bumps on it’s head which I tried to redo, by massaging them to get away (somehow) –
The situation between the baby & me was that in some parts I was extremely caring for its well-being – but on the other side sometimes I totally forgot about its existence & so negleced it by chance.
Another situation when I got aware of my little baby – it was sitting on the side of a well on the ground & I took it up & it didn’t move anymore & it’s face was all dead & emotionless & I feared & was almost sure, that it was dead already & I tried hard to re-animate it – feeling absolutely guilty about my neglectance. –
But while I took it in my arms & touched its face – it moved & came to live again.
I took the baby back on my arms again – later on I was on a dark passage like in a park with only poor illumination in the late evening – only few people still around – I had to use an underpass to come to the other part of the park & I heard the baby speak – in fact it couldn’t even really speak or uses sentences yet, but it said the single word 'Stone' - & I knew at once what it wanted to say – it meant, that it feared to get stoned, hit by a stone, killed somehow & I decided to protect it from any danger – I went on through that underpass & I ran across a man who had a very white face, with stiff expression, like he was wearing a wooden mask & it looked wicked & cruel to me – I knew he was about to attack me – but I was afraid to defend myself, because I had the baby in my arms & a fight with that man would maybe hurt the baby – it was so fragile –so I thought it a better idea to escape him somehow without getting involved in a fight -
I saw another man closely walking by & cried for help. – but he pretended to not hear me, because he didn’t wanted to get involved into trouble
The man with a face like a white mask started to attack me – I managed to give him a kick, while at the same time keeping the baby out of his reach & somehow escaped –
I came to a place, a round somehow elevated platform on a hill with about one meter high walls around fixing it to the lower surroundings – I sat there with a lot of other people sitting there around on the ground & I noticed that the baby in my arms was gone – I searched it around me, but couldn’t see nor find it & then noticed that man with the white mask face sitting on the side of the circle on the wall staring at me –
I knew it was him who had made my little child disappear. – I went over to him & gave him a kick with my foot to his chest, that he fell backwards out of the circle & got totally smashed to pieces, like he was a piece of ceramics, which indeed he was. –
I too went outside still looking around for my baby & had a verysad feeling of loss. – Maybe I got somehow aware, that I was inside a dream, because I touched my knee & tried by belief making it changing to my baby again, remembering that all the times before, when I had believed, that my baby was dead or hurt, it had always came back to be alive again – but this time it didn’t work out – I just couldn’t change my knee by focusing it into my baby again..
There were some parents walking by with their happily cheering & running around, small child - & I somehow begrudged them to have a happy little child like that, while mine was gone –
With this feeling of loss, sadness & regret I woke up…
This dream somehow disturbed me, because of course at once I understood the meaning.
There are things you should never neglect nor let die in your life for your own goals of success, greed & pleasure – never forget to take care for the obvious child in you, around you or all your feelings get empty & the loss of the innermost closeness to warm & caring feelings will make you a soul-less robitic zombie..
Was this dream a warning or did it already happen? – I till try to care 'somehow'– but I know I neglect so much 'somehow'.. (Do you get the chance to get a second baby if you’ve lost the first one? (or maybe a third one?)– Hm!)