from the fantastic patterns of dreams to the surrealistic behaving of reality

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Nürnberg, Mittelfranken, 2005-07-14 - 5:47 a.m.

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Reflections on a lonesome Biergarten visit

Tonight I went to a Biergarten, which I very seldom do.
It's hot here in Nürnberg (Nuremberg) & my flat is heated up to about 28 or 30 degree Celsius all night, because it's an attic mansion, saving heat under the tiles (I always say to my roof:"why save heat? - C'mon give it on to the basement, be generous & spend it" - but my old miser roof stays always stingy with heat)

I was in a bit of frustrated mood & lame of the heat, when I came home today - Peter had asked me before, whether I would like to go with them to a Spain restaurant, where you can sit outside in a nice yard (garden) - Because he would come a little time later, he asked me to call his friend, who was already starting to go there - but by calling her, I heard that they had already reserved in that overfilled restaurant for 8 person's & already 10 persons were in the group to go there (probably most of them friends of her daughter) - so bad chance for me to still get a place there -

but I was already in the mood to go out somewhere & at least when I got home in my Sauna hot flat - I decided to go out anyway.

There's a nice big Biergarten in a park-like atmosphere with a lot of trees close to my flat, temptating me to go there, but I didn't want to go alone, but none of my closer friends were available - most of them anyway, live meanwhile so far away, in other towns or countries, that it needs long time & preparation to ever meet them. (the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to meet friends spontaniously - their all so overbusy & slow in motion)

Anyway my telefone is broke since some days & you feel really cut off the rest of the world if your telefone is broke - meanwhile I had e-mailed some friends, that I still am alive somehow over internet, even if I'm not callable in the moment.

So why not go alone - a nice shadowy park - a cool beer - hmm, but no one to talk with - so I took a book with me.

It's getting dark here at about 10 p.m, but I went there at about 8:30.

The second reason to go there, was to take a bath in the public - I'd liked to sit together with nice people & may listen & talk a bit. - but there were too much tables around, more tables than needed in this only 2/3 filled park. This meant that in the beginning I sat alone on a table where easily 10 people could gather.

At least I had my book with me & for the time of my first light beer, there was light enough to read - hmm I could also have read my book at home, but at least it was a better atmosphere under the trees & with a slight breeze of wind, than in my attic oven..

In this biergarten there are often a lot of students groups around, not the typical bourgeois people you usually find in biergartens. - I would have liked to have some nice group around me, - but every new group arriving, prefered to take over the next free table available. A table with a single person was apparently not 'free' enough. -

There were times in my life when I regularly about 2 or 5 times visited pubs - were I met in most cases a lot of aqquaintances & friends - but these times are longe time gone - they have all spread by the 4 winds to all kind of destinies & directions. New generations have taken over & these public places don't interest me anymore, but just for dining or meeting a friend.

I took a second beer - it was getting dark already, so I couldn't continue reading - I saw the half moon rising with a little star on the right above him behind the silhouette of a very dark black blue sky - I saw some black clouds looking like black long fingers & a bat flying around that scenery. I wished I had my camera with me. Probably no-one else but me saw this panorama - they were all so busy sitting in groups together & talking that they totally missed what really was going on there.

I thought about those friends who were about 5 or 10 years still available, close to my flat, to go out for a beer in the evening - now they are all 100rds of kilometers away - you can not quickly call them quickly & ask: "Why don't you come over - we'll go to 'Humbold Park'"
- my telefone is broke anyway..

If you sit alone, you watch people, just because there is nothing else to do & I'm a very curious person, alway eager to see & inhale interesting things & situations (only dull people don't care) - so I overheard the talking of 2 men on the table behind me - the man with the louder voice said stupid boring stuff - on the other direction there was a group of 2 women & 2 men, the woman of which I could see her face had big doggish eyes & was a lot of yawning -

so looking around most of the groups around me were people I wouldn't have liked anyway to be close to, so lucky that they had left me alone

But what about the more afar tables?

A bit more to the right was a table with apparently 3 young students, maybe at age 18 to 23 - 2 boys & on the other side of the table a girl - They were too far away for me to overhear their talking. But funnily the girl, while talking had always one of her hands between her legs. She was wearing a skirt & shove it this way higher & higher, apparently unaware of it. - No she didn't shove it that high, but it remembered me a girl, called Gisela, we had in my class, when I was about 15 - she was sitting right behind me, black hair, light brown skin & big gazing dark brown eyes, and that innocent smile that made me look her to me like a fawn or gazelle - but she had one habit, apperently totally unaware of - she had, while sitting in the school lessons, in most cases her hand right between her legs (like you put your revolver in your halfter), I mean exactly above her vagina. As much as the hand was active, while writing etc. it found always quickly it's way to back to this nice resting place. At the age of 15 I had fantasies about her, what she was doing with her hand there at night.

There existed old fotos of me & my younger brother, when we were at the age of 4 & 5. There were fotos, when we were at a 'Kindergarten-Fest', my brother & me watching it, but with our hands 'just there' - my mother later told me - that we, but not my older brother, 'unaware' had 'always' had our hands there. - well but that was at least not at the age of 15. - I didn't see Gisela after school (age of 17) ever again - if ever I meet her, I'll watch were she puts right hand - may it has found another resting place meanwhile.

About unaware habits: I once lived together in a community with a girl called Roxy who had long black hair & she had the habit, to always take her hair with her fingers & let it glide through them, again & again -
I myself am aware, that if I'm in a situation with people & the situation is embarrassing and/or makes me feel uncomfortable (can't find the right words etc.), which very seldom happens I also have the tendency to stroke my hair. But within seconds I get aware of it - I know one girl friend, whow knows me very closely, who exactly knows what that means & mocks about that.

One of the funniest habits this way I watched 2 years ago at a friend. She spends a fortune on telefoning - so once, when I visited her, we drank something together, she got a call from her overseas relatives - she was talking & talking & talking & after a while I noticed her taking one of her breasts out of her blouse & pulling it & squeezing it in a kind of nervous motion of her hand all the time in the same kind Roxy had once fondled her hair, totally unaware that I was sitting nearby & watching this - later on at the end of that talk she got aware of her outhanging breast she was fondling, blushed & apologized - it was probably the thing she always does, if she has longer calls - it wasn't that shocking because I've often seen her naked before - but she really was totally unaware, that there was someone around in this situation..

Remember I still sat there & at the end of my second beer I decided to go home, but then a little devil spoke in my left ear: "Why not take a last beer before you go" - after the angel of my other ear warned me against it & I watched undecided for minutes their animated fight in the air above me (I hope no-one else saw them) - & then I suggested them a compromise: I drink a 3rd beer, but not a 4th one & so they vanished, but I think the devil looked a bit more satisfied than the angel..

At least for my last drink I changed my place to sit on a strategic better place, on a table just between some apparently student groups -

But the excited arguing group behind me just left some minutes after I had arrived. I think that was not part of the deal, they were meant to sit there for my entertainment & amusement, while I drank my last beer there - I think Mr. Devil had betrayed me & I'd had better listended to Mr. Angel -

But on the other hand, a 3rd beer gets you in a state of mind, where you just don't care too much anymore about these little details -

Two tables on in front of me there sat a fascinating woman with long black slightly curly hair with perfect white moon bleached skin & a mysterious gaze - there was a man sitting in front of her & one to her side, asides the man in front of her was another man - after I had counted them through I became aware, that this was a group of 6 man & one Lady - apparently collegues, most of them had semi-gray hair & were half bold already - they looked like government officials (Beamte) - most of them had the same kind of moustache above their lips -
they even did look similar in their office job tired faces - the still youngest & freshest, more stylish clad than the others was apparently the friend of the black haired Lady - she was absolutely souvereign, smiling & nodding & talking to the group, but also gazing outside the group, meeting my eyes about 2 or three times - it was about closing time - when she & her friend left, all of the left group of 5 lonesome collegues, left also within some minutes - she was the only light, to keep them together there for so long an evening - none of them cared or dared to stay together with the same ever boring collegues, they had to deal with each day of their office life, after the tender moon light smile was gone.

Minutes later I also left - it was about closing time & I think for a long time I won't go there all alone.

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