from the fantastic patterns of dreams to the surrealistic behaving of reality

written in Dinglish (that's Germanic English)

Nürnberg, Mittelfranken, 2006-03-11 - 1:52 a.m.

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My new brother

Something disturbs me today & I'm still undecided what do in this case.

To start from the beginning, which is not exactly how it all started, but at least the start of my arousement today:

My aunt (a sister of my father) called me this early evening & asked me with grave voice, whether she could tell me something really serious - I thought probably someone of our relatives has died or something really bad & strange has happened .. - of course I was curious & I'm used to hear of bad news & catastrophes in my life that of course I want to know - only if you know everthing you may react appropiately. - So I said: "Don't mind, just tell me".

So she told me that..

hmm - I see I have to tell it from the beginning to put it in the right context.


I have an one year older brother & an one year younger brother - so we are 3 brothers. - I'd also 'd liked to have some sisters when I was young, but my parents apparently weren't able to produce them - A twin sister would have been nice - who thinks & feels similar like me, but makes us complete by being the other gender. We could have ruled the world! -

More than 10 years ago my father told me a secret: He already had a son before he married my mother. - He already had got engaged with my mother, but had an affair (probably a one-night stand, but they didn't call it one-night-stand in that time - they called it "Fehltritt" (literal: false step)) with the result of gettin a child. -
What to do in that time, when it was the utmost shame to get a misbegotten child & they didn't had a relionship.

So they let the child get adopted & everybody lived quite happy & without guilt from there on.

This boy (he's only a half year older than my older brother), my older illegitimate brother, didn't exist for my parents for all that time anymore (at least not to the public) - we new children were the true family.

Time passed.

My adopted unknown brother grew up - his parents had a fruit selling company & they wanted him take over the company, but he refused - so they disinherited him. - They died early.

& he tried to find his really mother & father. -

First he found his real mother who worked in an approved school & later found out my father's adress. -

My father was delighted to hear of him, because when he had first told me of him, he didn't know where & under which name this lost son lived. - He had also tried to find him in, but in vain. The youth welfare service didn't give him information. - But apparently they give information if they see, that both sides try to find each other..

I wasn't shocked that I have a new brother, just curious.

But it was a catastrophe to my mother, when she got informed that my father wanted to get in contact with my father's illegitimate son. -
She threatened my father she would leave him, if he would keep contact with him.

After fights of about 3 days, when my mother was short before leaving (she's very good in emotional extortion - so I doubt that she would have really left him) - but my father gave in.


In other words: He kept the contact secretly - he sometimes telephoned with my new brother, exchanged letters with him via relatives, which he keeps in a secret place only him & me knows about - A few times he met him by visiting my relatives (his sister & brother who live very far away in the North of Germany) .

But now back to what my aunt told me today - she had some weeks ago called my father & also told him some news about this new brother J. - but my parents have a new telephone & apparently had it put to the option 'loud' that everyone in the room could overhear the conversation. - so my mother got aware that my father is still in contact with J. -

There must have been hard fights over this theme afterwards & my older brother who was with them had later on called my aunt about this issue.

My aunt some days ago also got informed by J. (she's in close contact with him since some years), that my father had written him a last letter that he can't keep contact with him, because he feared my mother leaving him - Argh!

I have my new brother's telephone number since about 8 years - but never called him yet - & I have a bad conscience about it.

When I started knowing about him I wanted to call him soon, but also feared the moment to face him by telephone - I'd rather meet him personally - that would be the right way to meet a long lost never known brother. But he lives on the other end of Germany.

But now I am so outraged about the behaviour of my mother (she's 85 & she fears the shame) that I will call my new new brother this weekend.

If my mother extorts my father by leaving him if keeps contact with my unknown older brother, I can extort her too - I can be hard like her, because I'm my mother's son -

I think about writing her a letter about my opinion on that theme or also threaten her, to not visiting her again before she doesn't accept my new & oldest brother.

I mean, she can't forbid my father to keep in contact with his own son - that's a sin, that's a crime, that's perverted!

& I'll fight it with all my might & clever sense.

But it's hard to fight someone that old - you fear to might kill if you even defend yourself. - I love my mother but I can't let her allow to put down my father to even lose contact with his son who tried to find his real father.

So better fight with clever sense - I'll call my unknown brother (for the first time in my life) this weekend & also call my other (known) older brother in Stuttgart to make an allegiance against evil.

I'll keep you informed.

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